Everything's Rough

The feeling in my hands is all wonky.  Everything I touch feels rough.  Fresh sheets on the bed, my soft, fluffy kitty, the smoothness of ... well, anything.  It all feels rough.  And there are degrees of roughness to it, but it starts out just plain rough.

That's not normal, but telling a medical doctor is like telling him about my favorite comic book character.   A blank look comes over his face and he's thinking of his vacation or last night's episode of The Good Doctor.I don't have access to opiates.  The people I know that have taken them for years for their pain are NOT addicted to them.  I don't care what they say on the news about this.  It frightens me that people have access to guns but are unable to get relief from pain (you'll just have to forgive me that I don't believe this has to be in the Constitution to be something everyone should have) without the stigma (and now persecution) of taking drugs to deal with the pain that medical doctors mostly just ignore.  They can't deal with pain.   Pain isn't quantifiable for them. 

I hear the tone of the newscasters that talk about the Opiate Addiction Epidemic™.  That tone and most of the words that come from those news spots place the burden and blame on the people that are in need.  I don't know anyone addicted to drugs.  I probably live a very sheltered life, knowing as many people as I do, not just in Kansas City, but across the Nation and a few around the world.  Let's see some of those people, huh?  How many are we talking about?  How many are we talking about compared to those with alcohol addiction?  At least, they can seek help anonymously.  We don't hear about them on the news unless one of them is driving while intoxicated and hits a child.  I don't want to lessen the tragedy of that, but let's do some real numbers and not just do the same fear tactics they use for politics

Well, my hands have come to a limit on typing this.  I hope to get some sleep tonight, which seems to elude me, but it's almost 5 am. 

Signing off for now.

It's been a rough couple of days with the pain yo yo.   Sleepless nights, increase in pain, maybe due to the  stormfront that moved in.  A friend of mine suggested to try to track what I do, eat, sleep, etc. to see if there's some kind of correlation.  I want to do that in my moments of lucidity.  I'm going to try. 

Now, I'm experiencing another kind of pain.  I called my dad today.  He and his wife have been moved to a care facility in Salina.  I know things are going not-well there.  It makes it bad for me because I can't visit them.  Driving across town is about all I can handle, let alone a two-and-a-half hour drive. 

So, I call.  And today was the day I've been dreading.  I have become used to calling and having the same conversation with my dad.  I just acted like it was the first time and responded like it was our first time of talking about this or that.  Today, I don't think my dad knew who he was talking to.  We were barely on the phone for two minutes when he said, "Thanks for calling, goodbye," and hung up.

I choked up.  It felt like I'd been dealt a physical blow.  Alzheimer's is a terrible thing.

My dad Wayne, cousin Neillie, cousin Judy, Twila Dad's wife Taken Sept 29, 2017

Well, I've been on the wormwood treatment for little over a month. Not seeing nor FEELING much different.  I'll continue with the treatment.  The black walnut stuff is nasty tasting but I down it quickly.  It should kill something, that's for sure. 

I really wish I could find something to  help me with the nerve pain.